there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
