shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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