I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
