I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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