I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
