Whod you bang
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
