some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
