just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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