ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
