Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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