I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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