It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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