just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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