I got chris browned last night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need water and some morals
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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