Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
where are my eyebrows?
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