So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
