i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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