So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
