with your own penis?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
