I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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