ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
