so that wasnt chicken after all
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
