One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize