it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
