i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
