i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
