I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
