Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
