I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
