if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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