I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
