Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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