TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
