I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
