me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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