I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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