I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
