the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
