we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
