brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's always time for handjobs
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
