I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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