it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
