the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
