OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
