Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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