I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
