He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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