Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
