Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
