tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have tasted many bathrooms
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
