he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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