If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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