I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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