Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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