You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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