The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
