I think my fart just growled at me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
