through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just gargled with NyQuil
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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