make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
