Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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