Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
