I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
