At least make sure they are 18
Why
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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