Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
