I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
