I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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