Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
